When you are traveling, especially when you are away for an extended period of time, there is a certain level of trust you have to have. You have to trust that you will generally be OK, you will be healthy, you will be safe, etc. There are a million things you just simply have to trust God that He will take care of. Before this particular adventure, I could have named most of those things easily. However, in the last few weeks, I’ve learned about a whole new dimension of trust.
Just in the last month, I’ve had multiple friends go through painful break ups. Friends’ family members have died. Friends have had serious health problems. In general, a large proportion of my friend network is having a really tough season. The other morning, and my heart was just heavy thinking about what everyone is going through at the moment. It’s a lot. Typically, I’m the person who takes care of everyone else. I’m usually one of the pieces of the support foundation. As much as I hurt for my friends, part of me feels a little out of place not being able to (physically) be there for them. I had to ask myself, “If I were in the States right now, what more could I actually do than what I’m already doing?” The answer is a resounding, “Not much.” Sure, I might be able to give them a hug, but that’s about it. I could call them, but many of them I email or chat with on a regular basis.
The thing is, I have to not only trust God that He will take care of me, but that He will also take care of everyone else. My friends are going to be OK. Yeah, it sucks now, but they are all going to make it through. It’s both humbling and freeing to realize that whether or not they survive this set of choppy waters does not depend on whether or not I’m physically there to help them navigate. It’s hard to give up control–this is how I operate because it’s how I’m made and I do it out of habit. Plus, it’s kind of egotistical of me to think that everyone else’s well being solely depends on my presence.